remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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