She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
