never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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