just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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