cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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