At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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