Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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