It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
