you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
