Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
