i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
