I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
