don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
