I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
