Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
