You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
