so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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