he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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