He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
