if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
