As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
