This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
