Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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