I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
