If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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