Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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