Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
