i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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