Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
