I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Randomize
