I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
