Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
