Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
