It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
