Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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