Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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