I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
