who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
