I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
