Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
