hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
