dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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