Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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