I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
