fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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