im about as happy as oj after his trial
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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