Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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