I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
