Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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