why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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