WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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