I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
